Breaking up With Imposter Syndrome...
How disassociating with fear led me to moderating my first panel
When did imposter syndrome become the prerequisite for stepping into the very best version of oneself? Yeah, I'm not sure either, but I was an absolute victim of it (and I’m working through it daily)! I mean, honestly, it’s quite a juxtaposition when you know who you are, but you allow this transparent sheet to mask your identity - but in 2025, I’m committed to becoming the very best version of myself. I was determined to start falling in love with the things that I enjoyed again.
This summer was one of the best I’ve had in a while - shoot, lowkey one of the best years in a while. I spent time with my loved ones and frolicked!!! One highlight of my summer was moderating my first panel!!! An opportunity I almost finessed myself out of because of Imposter Syndrome. Like what!? But shout-out to the women who see us when we are too afraid to see ourselves.
Now, for some context: Public speaking is a skill I aim to develop. I made it an official goal last year, by writing it down —and I am heavy on writing things down. Once a goal is written in my journal💜, I strive to work towards fulfilling it. So, while I didn’t expect the opportunity to emerge so quickly, God had other plans.
Black Women for Wellness’s Annual Reproductive Justice Conference was approaching, and my director needed someone to help moderate the panel for our program. Naturally, I looked the other way; I certainly wasn’t going to volunteer myself! But that was just self-doubt lingering like parfum.
I firmly remember her saying, “I don’t know how many more events you think you’ll need until you feel ready, but if you aren’t, I totally understand. However, if you do consider it, I’ll need your bio by 5 pm today.” It was 2 pm! Talk about pressure. I didn’t have time to let my brain avalanche into a mountain of thoughts. I convinced myself: “Narkie, you want to grow in this area! This is a tangible step toward the vision you have for yourself. Tighten up.”
In case nobody has told you before, “The best way to get practice at doing something is to do it”, - simple. (My manager offered that advice 🫂 )
She had my bio; from there, it was recruiting and developing those questions. The day finally arrived, and an exec whom I met last year and have been developing a professional relationship with, found out I was speaking, *eeek* for some reason, her text made the entire experience feel that much more REAL. I'm in the mirror, like, ok - we're doing this! I couldn’t compute all that was happening just yet. But it was game time. I put myself together and did what needed to be done.
My comfort came from 1. Being on stage with my director, whom I have so much respect for, and who is well-versed in maternal health, and a veteran in the field. and 2. Being in a room full of black women smiling, eager to understand more, and, more importantly, share their experience. As we concluded, my director complimented me on gathering the questions, recruiting our participants, and joked about me taking the lead with the questions in our panel (😆 ). On the inside, if I’m being honest, my chest was on fire LOL! I didn’t realize I was emptying the clip, but that is my nature when someone is depending on me or a task needs to be completed, I lock in. I guess it’s safe to say I warmed up.
Dr. Valerie Young, a researcher with proven expertise on Imposter Syndrome, highlights five types of Imposter Syndrome.
She also discussed in her TED talk that our bodies can’t distinguish between excitement and fear. It’s what we tell ourselves.
What I took away from this experience is the striking truth that others can see our potential long before we “feel” ready - because honestly, we won’t always feel ready for big moments. We are much closer to our dreams than we realize. So, stop overthinking and start doing—there are people actively rooting for ✨US✨ , ready to water the seeds of purpose that are within.
PS. Oh, and tell me why I was asked to MC an event 3 days later. I can’t make this up!
My life coach reminded me that I was ready to grow again - she was right 🌹 .
Thanks for reading. See you at my next read!
Comments